I’ve been noticing a few things. A pattern, I guess. Behaviour.
I’ve been taking baby steps towards being OK. The moment they make a tiny difference, I notice my husband’s anger. Sometimes towards me, and sometimes directed at our son.
And I’m sure I’m “causing” some of it by trying to set small boundaries. By wanting needs to be met. By wanting better. But the response is disproportionate, there are emotionally abusive tendencies, and I’m finding it… deeply troubling.
I know he is not well. But I keep saying that. Everyone keeps saying that. Am I enabling him? How long do I just keep accepting things because he is not well? Some of these things are not acceptable. Some of these things must change. At the very least I need to start seeing some attempt at getting well.
But anyway. Moving on with the things that don’t suck today:
- Really enjoyed my swim today. It was just a short 1.2km swim, but it was nice and relaxing. I felt good. I got out in time to have a sauna.
- Sauna was actually decently hot. Had a good 10 minutes in there.
- Had a nice chat with one of the other mums at drop off. Told her about the Main Ridge Track at Black Hill Conservation Park, as she’s looking for something nice and steep. She is keen.
- Got the last block of cheese (on special) on the shelf at the shops.
- Got my medications. Had a nice chat with the lady at the chemists while I was waiting.
- Read a little bit of Winter Swimming by Dr Susanna Søberg and organised to go for a swim with a friend.
- Continued my laundry streak: 1 whole week!
- Vacuumed the car out. Haha. Gross. GROSS. The boy is no longer the undisputed champion of bringing small rocks and gumnuts into the car. Some idiot in the driver’s seat brought half a forest into the car with them. Rude. But at least they didn’t mash any food into the upholstery.
- Planned to go on the Measday Hike. But then looked at the watch. Went and took some photos of flowers.
- Listened to some more podcast stuff. Confirmed that I ought to be doing some more cold exposure than I am.
- Found… something… on a map… that I want to look at… hmm
- Learned how to do the physiological sigh and yeah I think I like this better than the 4-7-8 thing. I think it actually does something.
- Taught my son the physiological sigh. Briefly. You know, for the fraction of a second a 6 year old actually pays attention. But, he was very calm for that fraction of a second.
- Looking forward to cold swimming and gym and stuff. Yay! No really, I am.
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