Author: tarale
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MILD TO MODERATE BLEH
I’ve been noticing a few things. A pattern, I guess. Behaviour. I’ve been taking baby steps towards being OK. The moment they make a tiny difference, I notice my husband’s anger. Sometimes towards me, and sometimes directed at our son. And I’m sure I’m “causing” some of it by trying to set small boundaries. By…
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NOPE
Well, this isn’t what I wanted. I’m grumpy and I don’t really want to go on about it, but it’s still related to unequal workload at home. And mental health challenges for both parents. And general frustration. I felt my frustration. It’s there for a reason. But on with what was GOOD today: I also…
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GO PLAY OUTSIDE, DAMMIT
Look, I was feeling really good. REALLY good. The weather is gorgeous, I had a good swim, I was getting stuff done. And then I ran into the unequal workload in our house. Again. And I got angry. But that’s going to keep happening. My husband has no energy, and he can’t feel his feelings.…
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COMPUTERS ARE THE WORST
I had an upsetting thought today. I was going through photos and saw things from this time last year. And I was making things, and starting to kind of… heal. Not from trauma, just from the isolation of motherhood. But it was sad for two reasons. One is that my trauma damaged the friendship that…
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I SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS IN AN ENCHANTED FOREST AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY SUNBURN
Man, trying to outsmart the willpower paradox is hard! I’m trying to not try, man, I’m trying to not try to try as hard as I can! So I went to a different forest today. NOT the quarry, just to shake things up, do something a bit different. I decided that climbing a waterfall might…
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WHEN IT’S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD
Last night I wrote some stuff about what happened this year. I didn’t publish it, but it was organised into a sort of timeline, so it helped me figure out some things. It made it clear when I first started to feel like I had to fix my trauma, urgently, or there’d be serious consequences.…
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FRIST PSOT
I’m considering writing some stuff about the stuff, because there’s a bunch of stuff inside of me and I really need to get that stuff outside of me. But first, a little training for my orienting response, as well as an attempt to identify some signs I’m recovering: I’ve been finding everything too hard for…